


Liaison

by shinaho



Category: Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Angst, Break Up, F/F, Implied/Referenced Cheating, POV Second Person, im sorry kanan i love you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-11-03 14:39:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10969317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinaho/pseuds/shinaho
Summary: The final bell rings for the day. You push past the crowds in the hallway, longing to reach your princess. For you are her prince, her white knight, and you love her more than you can ever say.





	Liaison

Mari asks to meet you on the rooftop later that day. “It’s a secret!” She says with a naughty smile as you ask what for. Time passes slowly as classes drag on. Every sense is amplified as you sit in anticipation of what your girlfriend may want. 

The rhythmic tap, tap, tap, of the pencil of the girl sitting next to you, the gentle tick, tick, of the clock by your side, and the quiet clank, clank, of a student’s foot on the ground all lull you into a reverie. You think of Mari’s golden hair that always seems to smell like honey. You think of her bright golden eyes that never hesitate to meet your benign mauve ones. She is your bright sun, a god compared to you. 

And yet she loves you, and your love will never end. She meets you day after day and the two of you practice together, or study, or do anything, because to be young and in love is to do as you wish with who you wish, and it’s a beautiful thing. You two will spend the rest of your lives together, and it’s oh so beautiful. 

“Matsuura-san?” The teacher calls. You are harshly jolted out of your daydream, and forced to answer her insignificant question. You aren’t fated to a life of academics. Even if your idol career halts, you have the diving shop to fall back on. The only reason you haven’t dropped out yet is her. She is your motivation to move on, to have a future at all. Without her life is dim and boring and pointless and there is no future. 

The final bell rings for the day. You push past the crowds in the hallway, longing to reach your princess. For you are her prince, her white knight, and you love her more than you can ever say. Were you living in the area of royalty, you would ride above all, on a dashing white horse, and Mari would sit in your lap, swooning over your bravery and strength. You two would marry and rule above all, as benevolent leaders. 

But instead you are high school girls, and you are mixed in among the crowd heading home for the day. But your home is different, your home isn’t fixed, it moves, and it breathes and lives, for your home is Ohara Mari, the school idol. 

And once your reach the rooftop, your home is there. You feel at ease seeing her, but she doesn’t notice you right away. Her back faces you, and she looks out beyond the rooftop, at the small seaside town that your school is nestled into. It’s a calm town, and a nice one. Everyone knows each other. It could be described as pleasant, if you were into that kind of thing. 

But Mari deserved better. You wanted to give her the world. You wanted to take her away to this dump, and travel. You two could go to Shibuya, or Akihabara, or Tokyo, and you could live there, and be famous idol, and be on top of the world. But now was your exposition, the beginning of your tale. Now you two are in a group that bases itself in the middle of nowhere, and is just waiting to climb the idol-hood latter. 

One day, you two will go so far, and never think of this shitty place again. 

“Mari…?” You say gently, and she turns to face you. Her face isn’t graced with the smile it usually does, but instead gives no emotion, a blank slate. It catches you off guard to see her like this. 

“Kanan.” She says simply, and looks towards the floor. You wonder what she wants with you, up here, alone. Her school bag is with her, and the gentle wind blows her skirt to the side. It does yours, as well, but you barely notice. For you are focused on her, and only her, and it will remain that way for a long, long time. “Promise you won’t get mad at what I say. Pretty please? With whipped cream and strawberries on top?” 

You want to say of course, that you could never get mad at her, and that she was your savior. You want to say that you agree with whatever she says, and whatever she thinks, and will do whatever she wants, because you love her so, so, so, much. But you don’t say that. You say a simple, “Of course, dear.” For fear of coming off as clingy and obsessed. You may be, just a bit. But with a girlfriend like Mari, who wouldn’t want to hold onto her. 

She physically flinches when you say, “Dear”, but she doesn’t comment on it. In fact, she takes a moment before she speaks again, and your blood runs cold. What she is about to say is important, you can tell. If you were to read between the lines, you would know what she was about to say. You would know that your dreams are going to be crushed, but in that moment you remain unknowing, and curious, and you still have hope in your heart. 

You don’t think, because you don’t want to accept. What she is about to say has been coming, in your heart of hearts you’ve known it for weeks now. But your thoughts were all superficial, and your denial was clear as day, and so when she speaks it hits you full-force, with the weight of the world itself. 

“This-This isn’t working out.” 

You know what she means instantly, but you want to think he means something else. “What are you talking about?” You ask instantly, and your voice shakes and your hands are clammy, because if she is being honest right now, everything you ever wanted is gone. 

Her voice shakes as well. “You know what I’m talking about. Us. We just… look, we should date other people.” Mari’s usual eloquence is gone, and she struggles to find something to say. You were never good with words to begin with, so forming your own sentences is a thousand times worse. 

“Wha-Why? We-We’re getting alone so well!” And it’s a lie. The second the phrase comes out of your mouth you know it’s false, but you just need anything to defend yourself, anything for Mari to take back what she said. 

You watch Mari intently, and think she might be crying. “I mean… you’re such a drag, Kanan. You-You’re clingy, and… I just, I’m done.” 

Anger flares within you. “Clingy?” You yell. This is the first time you’ve yelled at Mari since you began dating, and it hurts. It really does. “Everything I do, I do for you, Mari! I’ve given up so much for you, and you decide to just leave like this?” you had poured your heart, mind, and soul into giving Mari everything she could want because honestly, she deserved it. 

Mari stomped her foot on the rooftop. “That’s what I’m talking about! I’m no good for you Kanan!” You can see now she really is crying, and even across the roof you can see as her tears fall and stain the concrete. “You never think about yourself anymore!” Her words are harsh, and they hit close to home. You’ve never cared for yourself as long as the people around you remained well taken care of. 

You raise your voice as high as it can go, and you disregard the fear that staff or students might hear you two. Nothing matters right now except for getting your feelings across, and by god you’ll do it. “That’s because I fucking love you Mari! To love someone is to put their needs before your own, but I guess you’ll never understand that because you’re a selfish prick!” You don’t mean that, and the second you say it you regret it. “Wait…” You say, and you didn’t realize how tense you’ve become. You drop your arms to be parallel with your side from where they were bent. Your fists unclench, and you relax, taking in the gravity of the situation. 

“If you thought that of me, why didn’t you say anything? Why wait until now?” Mari asks, her voice scarcely above a whisper. 

You can’t bring yourself you say anything save for, “I’m sorry.” 

You two stand like that for a long while, not speaking to each other. The late spring wind blows, and Mari eventually grabs her bag. As she passes you to the exit, she pauses to say, “This is it.” 

“I love you, still.” You say, and she doesn’t respond. 

You stand there for a long, long time to contemplate everything that happened. 

She would probably go cry to Dia now. She would vent, and exaggerate, and say “Oh, mean old Kanan abused me! She yelled and yelled and yelled at little ol me! The audacity!” Or something along those lines, and Dia would listen and give advice and kiss her wounds like Dia has been doing for so long now, and you would go home and speak to nobody, and keep you emotions to yourself. 

The walk home that day was long and cold. You lent her sweater to Mari the day before, and now you were exposed to the elements. You wouldn’t bother to ask for it back, though. Let her keep it. Let it remind her of what the two of you used to be, and could be again. 

If tomorrow, Mari was sitting at your desk when you arrived to class, and begged for your forgiveness, you would give it to her. If Mari spat on you and ordered you to lick her shoes tomorrow, you would. If Mari asked, even after today, you would deliver. 

That was love. 

What Mari had for you wasn’t love. 

Had it ever been love? 

When you asked her out, months before, why had she accepted? 

Did she love you then?

When did it change? 

You begrudgingly arrive at school the next day. As you pass the director’s office, you subconsciously look into the window to see Dia and Mari together. It makes bile rise in your throat, but you swallow it down and look away. 

Dia doesn’t arrive for class. And if you have any idea where she is, Mari probably hasn’t gone to her class either. It makes you sick, that she just left, and just abandoned you for someone else. Were you ever anything to her? Had she and Dia been seeing each other behind your back?

Mari doesn’t arrive for practice with Aqours that day. Dia doesn’t make eye contact with you, and you stick to making small talk with Chika and Yo. You don’t tell them what happened yesterday, and don’t let it affect your mood. You’re still their big sister, after all. 

You are Dia are the only two left after practice ends. Everyone else packs up and leaves, but Dia takes a little longer than the rest. She always had. 

“Are you and Mari together now?” You ask. Your voice is devoid of emotion. 

Dia is taken off-guard. “Aren’t you two seeing each other?” 

“Not anymore.” Your words are blunt. “I assumed she’d left me for you. You were always her favorite when we were younger.” 

“I don’t know what you mean.” Dia’s tone was cold. 

“You can be honest, you know. I’d rather the hard truth than blissful lies.” 

“I’m not lying.” She says. You want to believe her. 

When you get home, you’re alone, as you are and will be for most of your days. Your girlfriend has left you, and seems to avoid you, and your best friend will probably do the same. You’re left with Chika, who has her own problems with her best friends, and Hanamaru, who is, well, Hanamaru. Yoshiko never leaves Ruby, and Ruby never leaves Dia, so that who thing’s just a big mess. Your life is a big mess now. A big, ugly, lonely mess. 

The next day, Mari and Dia are walking to school together. Dia wears your sweater, and you don’t say a word.

**Author's Note:**

> i tend to write a lot but it's all short??? i never write anything more than 2.5k words maybe one day ill aim for an ongoing fic..... one day


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